Hash Reports

 

11 Nov 2017 ~Two-by-Two Hash

Leaving from Noah’s Ark pub, the pack of nine were soon into Hartshill Park and along the paths there, at times having some difficulty finding the flour where in places it had been obliterated - by some dog walkers or fishermen?? -  including the first fish hook. Good rule-abiding hashers Ever-ready and Sergeant Grasshopper nonetheless followed the remains of this fish-hook and went to the back of the pack. Ticker & Fleming had plenty of reminiscing along the route of their old haunts from years gone by, both having lived in the area. Before leaving the park the pack seemed to have a frightening effect on a small white dog who took off with its walker chasing in hot pursuit for about 300m. The route then took us past the hospital before turning back to the nicely-refurbished pub. Down downs were carefully noted to be imposed at a future hash, notably Flasher for irresponsible busy road-crossing, and Grasshopper for fish-hook misdemeanours. 

On on…

Moist

23 Sept 2017 ~ Hash With A Difference – The Narrowboat Hash

 

The day started quite dull and damp but according to the weather forecast, it was going to be a bright and sunny day.

We all started to assemble at the marina, quietly excited for our day ahead. Some paperwork to be completed, safety instructions from the friendly boatman and when our great organiser Ever-Ready was happy that we had everything and everybody on-board, we were off. Well not quite everybody – Moist was missing but we’d had a text to say she was on the way and we shouldn’t wait.

We set off on our adventure along the canal. Grasshopper was our pilot for steering the boat as he had got experience with narrowboats. He was helped out by The Pink Lady who also has experience with steering her own boat. But actually anyone could have a go at steering and several of us took up the challenge – under the close supervision of Captain Grasshopper!

We followed the strict instructions of the boatman and drove very carefully and slowly through early the narrow section where other narrowboaters were moored up. We didn’t want to upset the regular canal residents by crashing into their precious boats. And it meant that Moist caught up with us very easily with a jog along the towpath.

It was a lovely change for the Potteries Hashers to do a boating hash. We did some running and walking along the canal whilst Grasshopper took the boat ahead of us, then mooring up expertly to give us time to catch up.

Not long into the voyage we had delicious breakfast of chocolate croissants and pastries and coffee supplied by Ever-Ready. Well actually the coffees & teas were a bit of a challenge, with a kettle that wasn’t keen to come to the boil!

As the day meandered on, everyone was chatting or walking or running – just relaxing and enjoying themselves. There were nice waterside gardens and countryside to see, several narrow bridges to be negotiated and wildlife to spot – like a heron and a kingfisher.

As we approached the attractive Congleton basin, it was getting towards lunchtime. Again thanks to our organiser, we tucked into a banquet – loads of different sandwiches, savouries, cakes, fruit as well as drinks –wine and beer – I even got my Guinness which pleased me very much. Everyone tucked in and agreed it was extremely pleasant – eating on a boat, really relaxing.

We had another stop on the way back as we were well in time for returning the boat before the deadline of 5pm. We had time to spare and again hashers got off the boat, walked and chatted. The weather was pleasant and warm.

It was nice to see people we hadn’t seen for some time – such as Fleming’s wife Sylvia and Ronaldo back on a visit from the Falklands (his wife Sue The Vicar has a job out there).  As we approached the marina, the yardman was there to see us back safely and he was pleased we had made it back in time – it was 4.45pm. Finally everyone said their goodbyes and made our way home.

 

It was a great day and everyone enjoyed. It was mentioned we should do it again. Thanks to Ever-Ready who made it all possible – a very good job.

As it was originally my idea to do this kind of hash, I was pleased it all went well.

Thanks again to Hayley.

Gypsy Rose

258th Hash ~ 22nd April 2016 ~ Minster View Hash

Starting off from behind the Kings Hall with a pack size of 12 including 2 visiting hashers (Diarrhoea from the Quorn hash, and Dawn Service a hasher all the way from Darwin Australia), the hashers were soon getting lost at the first checkpoint. Gathered together on the correct route, we meandered through some streets in Stoke before arriving at the canal. Here we nearly lost one of our visiting hashers, travelling halfway to Stone on the lookout for flour, but alas he was on the false trail. Back on track again, the pack exited the canal path close to the train station, where after we encountered another pack, this one larger, noisier and needing the supervision of a large number of police officers, yes it was the Visiting-Football-Fans Pack. We soon left them behind as we headed towards and into Hanley Park, ran past the visiting Circus, ignoring calls to join them. All enjoyed the blossom in the park, following this we skirted around the cemetery coming across the one and only fish-hook sending the front 3 to the back. The hare had actually forgotten about setting fish hooks until this point, hence there only being the one, but will make up for that on next hash she sets. Arriving at the end, we found some of the Football Pack at our chosen pub, so elected to finish the hash at neighbouring pub the White Star. The hare had to rush off but a relaxing drink was enjoyed by the rest of the hashers.

 

On-On. Moist

251st Hash ~ 16th Oct ~ The Marina Hash

A morning of torrential rain easing off at about 11am meant the hare Moist was just back from laying the hash in the nick of time before the 1pm start. A small pack of seven, we started off from the carpark behind Toby Carvery China-garden, heading along the canal before coming across a couple of tricky checks, which had the group confused and temporarily losing Ticker. Back along the canal before heading into the garden festival park by the ski-slope, where we saw the changing autumn colours as we meandered back and forth along the trails. Back along the busy Festival Way to the pub where we found Roy who had arrived too late for the start of the hash and Flasher who was on his way home from photographing another event earlier in the day. No down-downs this time, just a good chin-wag.

On-on!

Moist

250th Potteries Hash ~ 13th August 2016 ~ Sneyd Lava 'Ash

A good turnout at Smallthorne’s Moorland Pub for our 250th hash – including a few old friends come back for the occasion. Lovely to have familiar faces back in our midst. An interesting mix of outfit colours too – as can be seen from Flasher’s photos. It was rather bitter-sweet however because of the imminent departure of two of our loyal families, off to far-flung exotic places. Of course wish them well but we remaining Potteries Hashers will miss youLL.

A nicely confusing start up and down the top of Moorland Road was followed by an equally confusing wiggle through the back lanes (we wanted our departing friends to have a lasting memory of the real Potteries). This kept locals bemused and it kept the gang together – including our walker/cyclist hashers. A meander round the beautiful Burslem Park brought lots of oohs & aahs from hashers who hadn’t visited this local gem recently. Then it was down onto the greenway and along as far as Hot Lane. Still our walker & cyclist were keeping up with us – are we slowing down at all these days, fellow-hashers???

To finish off an enjoyable hashing afternoon (or to finish us off), the route took us up the lung-busting lava-like slag heap of Sneyd Hill. Hill? No – in the words of Hugh Grant – definitely a Mountain. But it was well worth the effort once we made it to the top – what a view of our beloved Potteries in every direction for our departing members to take with away them in their hearts.

On-On. Aberchintz

249th Hash ~ 16th July 2016 ~ The Penguin Potter’s Hash

 

Well what a to-do, one of the hares (the religious one) couldn’t make the setting up in the rain- apparently there was a service to be held somewhere.  The stand in hare, rabbit maybe did an excellent job- although wait and see, on what could be described as a mildly damp day- AKA bleeding throwing it down.

 

The route was suitably set, and fiendish with many false trails as promised.  The assorted rabble turned up, including the absent hare with 84 seconds to spare and her clothes on inside out!!! God knows what type of religious event it had been.

 

Setting off with gay abandon, the rabble decided that they were going to set the scene for the day by running too fast, talking too much and missing most of the flour, this principally being the keener elements of the group- especially those who could claim to be ever ready for things!

 

 Many false trails followed accompanied by complaints about wet feet -it’s an outdoor sport in the UK!!, I think they wanted Jamaica, and nettles- apparently these are so awful that those from the French persuasion can’t possibly go near them in case they turn into a frog.  The stand in rabbit/hare was heard a number of times to state that they didn’t know where they were or where they were going- a sin suitably dealt with at the down down stage.

 

Down downs were administered alongside a suitably eclectic pic-nic including those from the previous hash, and a lovely cake was presented to the departing hares, although it now seems that due to circumstances wholly within control the next hash will in fact be their last, so more cake to come!!!

 

Ronaldo and the Vicar

248th Hash ~ 18th June 2016 ~ The Planet of the Apes Hash

Assembling at the second car park, the second car park, not the first one, Flasher arrived to say he had sighted a lone hasher wandering around the entrance to the first carpark, the first car park, not the second car park. He'd done nothing about it, just driven past. Soon after we had the arrival of Rosie-Lee at the second car park, having been a bit lonely at the first car park.

So at the second car park, we had a quick circle of 9, hare Moist giving her estimation that the trail would be 'about' 4.1 miles, and it being the 'Planet of the Apes Hash'. There would be a requirement at one of the checks for our best Ape impression; subsequently we set off into Apedale Country Park. 

The trail come close by the big blue wheel then headed into and out of the forest, where Ticker got into a fist-o-cuffs with a nasty branch - the branch coming out the better of it.  Then we came to the chimney vent where we found the 'Ape-check'. Ape impressions were varied and given with differing degrees of enthusiasm, none quite Oscar-winning, before we set off once again on the trail, soon finding a herd of miniature ponies then heading into Silverdale Country Park and circumnavigating the 'lake'. At this point there were a number of different deviations away from the marked trail. Walkers Hashpop and Rosie-Lee appeared at the entrance and followed their own route, Flasher took a different route, meeting up with the other hashers at the bottom of the last hill climb, and it was a mighty hill! The hare took it easy on a park bench at the top surveying the dots of running figures below, apparently wearing herself out setting the trail earlier. Post-hash we enjoyed chip butties at the Gresley Arms, no down-downs this time, but we learnt of the new hash group about to be formed in the Falkland Islands by our very own Ronaldo and The Vicar.

On-on....

Moist

244th Hash ~ 20th Feb 2016 ~ Tunstall Greenway Hash  

Arriving at The Furlong Pub on an overcast afternoon we all wondered not if but when we would get soaked in the forecast rain. The circle was formed on the car park where a good turnout were called to order so the Hares ( myself and my able assistant The Lone Ranger ) could explain the finer details of this our first attempt at laying a trail for the Potteries H3.
We set off full of the usual exuberance and were soon stretched out along the side of Tunstall park, but were pulled up together by my first trail hook,!! ha-ha !! Along the route we crossed a couple of busy roads so with safety in mind we laid the occasional arrow so we could all cross together safely. Some of the route took us through the shopping centre where earlier as we were laying the flour we were stopped by two police officers who thought we might be laying marks for criminal intent ?
So On On to the muddy part and over the potteries way, back into the greenway heading back to The Furlong, without getting our expected rain soaking. We all gathered in the warmth and comfort of the bar to satisfy our thirst in the usual way and a large plate of chips yummmm.
The misdemeanours were discussed and noted but it was decided the down downs would be dealt with at the next Hash at the Talbot in Bradeley.

Many thanks also for the Birthday card and good wishes from all attendees.  
 
ON ON   Tonto and The Lone Ranger

243rd Hash ~ Saturday 30 January 2016 ~ Jefferson Airplane Hash

It was a happening. It was a freak-out. It was a mind-blowing Hash for 17 Hashers totally unafraid of facing the public and the changeable January weather. Man it was cool!

Assembled at the Professor’s favourite pub in Stone (The Royal Exchange for the third time!) the Hash wound its way, mainly in Hippy gear, through the town and along the canal at a fair pace. Though no false trails were laid, many false trails were found…chaos being averted by the Prof’s cool head at what he called “geographic conceptual continuity” or something like that. Prof. had just discovered the embodiment of universal truth and knowledge in a yellow rubber duck which was carried by the Hashers and passed lovingly between them as they ran to symbolise World Peace. Far out!

Next came discovering the site of a proposed Free Music Festival at the Common Plot. Games of running downhill pretending to be airplanes with arms aloft ensued, brilliantly orchestrated by the Vicar and Prof.  Games over it was back to the pub for serious business.

Seems that Prof.  now has a management consultant for the down-downs! What next! Anyhow, seems  this mysterious Hon. Hasher “The Consultant” had suggested that our esteemed photographic miscreant “Flasher” should have as his ‘task’ (yes we now do tasks as well as down-downs) to have  his Hash-name  suspended and changed to “Lord Lucan” for six months. A unanimous vote ensued! See you in February Your Lordship!

We welcomed “Spitfire”, “Sleeping Bag” and “Moist” to our ranks at some quietly raucous ‘down-downs’ in a freezing cold, minute little beer garden before going inside for a 10.2 secs AGM! Then, we celebrated the wonderful late sixties band ‘Jefferson Airplane’ as we all pretended to be like a White Rabbit as Prof. urged us to “Feed Your Head” or such similar nonsense. Overall a good day out! “Arf” said the dog.

Postscript: Who is this mysterious ‘Consultant’ and why does our Professor have this unrestrained twin Alice in Wonderland/Psychedelic Music fixation?

On-on.

Prof.

242nd Hash ~ Saturday 12 December ~ The Santa Hash

 

The Crewe Xmas hash was hit by Cumbrian-like torrential downpours, before, during and after. But Snow White, Stevie Wonder, Spencer Davis (and Daddy’s girl) knuckled down to set a surprisingly decent hash from the White Lion in Warmingham. The 3 hares celebrated the setting of the hash with a couple of pints and some Jager shots prior to commencement and needless to say got completely lost within in the first half mile. We put on our best poker faces and convincingly reaffirmed to the participants that we knew what we were doing  We led a merry dance through every swamp, hill, field & uneven roads we could find in Crewe and were hilariously stewarded by Stevie and Snow White who completely got lost when I untied the apron strings for 5 minutes to go and fetch the pup. From my house I could hear shouts of on – on and “are you sure you know where you are going”. With the weather and the dark light disappearing, visions of a Blair Witch Project came to mind. We stopped for some snacks at Chez Norbury and left the team to enjoy the wettest part of the course. They were all a bit startled when the realisation hit that the wettest part was yet to come. But somehow they found their way back to the pub to be greeted by chip butties that the fantastic landlady had set up for us and refused money! That’s a Crewe welcome for you. No down downs this time but to be fair, great effort for everyone turning up as the weather was abysmal so there should be no punishment for anyone. No show for the Prof this time as he lives approxiamately a mile away so bit of a poor show but I probably didn’t help when I told him we were starting from the Peacock in Nantwich . Bless !

Spencer Davis.

241st Hash ~ Saturday 21 November ~ The Religious Hash

 

The Hash was nearly cancelled due to freak weather conditions.  The intrepid Hashers were not to be put off however.  We met at the Dick Turpin Pub, in Silverdale, oops no meant Westlands – just reading an old e-mail.  There were seven of us and one dog.  The theme was very relevant on such a terrible day for we might all have started praying – there was a Religious theme.  The challenge was not just to avoid frost bite but to find the most religious references in the hash.  We have again noted some absences and the camera has again returned to mothballs.  We set off and ventured to Europe, Geneva and Naples [drives of course] although slightly colder than these hotspots.

 

Onwards and upwards a variety of religious haunts were discovered, roads with relevant names, churches, houses with religious names and a spurious claim that one hasher once knew someone who might have lived in a certain road and who might have gone to church once!!!

 

A certain claim was also made that due to us running along St Patrick’s in Poolfields that the hasher whose name was Patrick should be awarded extra points.  Much discussion ensued regarding if the hash covered Silverdale  as there appeared to be dissent amongst the ranks, however  it was pointed out that the French amongst us could in fact see Silverdale church for ½ a second at a random point during the run, therefore we must have been in Silverdale, he also claimed a passing number plate had potentially religious links, whilst the professor claimed over 460+ links that he alone had seen.

 

Allegations of smugness were directed towards the hares due to the following hashers missing a simply huge blob of flour, and therefore having an extra hill in their run.  Never mind, the other half hare enjoyed placing quite distinctive blobs , which could be seen as hand prints by some of the followers.

 

The return to the pub was met with a changed procedure of drinks with hot chocolate rather than beer being the order of the day-  I don’t know what is happening to these hashers, what’s a bit of snow, rain and wind doing to them?- they are all turning into softies!!!

 

Ronaldo and the Vicar

240th Hash ~ Saturday 24 October ~ 1995 The Revisited Hash

Well can you believe it? – 20 years of Potteries Hashes! The rather faulty Chinese whispers had led us to believe that the very first hash was set somewhere around Chatterley Whitfield. So, romantically, we thought it would be a nice idea to re-visit.

Actually we found out later that the first hash was set nowhere near Fegg Hayes or Chatterley Whitfield!!! More like Hanchurch Woods apparently. Oh well, the decision had been made to start from The Jester pub so it was on with the show.

Some concern had been raised beforehand by super-sensitive-hashers at the rather alarming news stories that appeared on Google when searching this particular venue. But we weren’t going to let something like a little grisly murder dissuade us! However the horrid forecast was something else. Ever-Ready & Aberchintz turned up very reluctantly early in the morning to lay the hash trail with the drizzle already starting to fall.

Having put our reluctance aside, we managed to lay the trail pretty promptly – finishing just 2 short minutes before the heavens opened big time, Noah would have been proud. The inward feelings of gloom returned. We had laid a trail of flour which would now surely be washed away. But hey, would anyone actually turn up to run the hash in this weather?

We needn’t have been so pessimistic. A really good crowd of about 15 gathered for the hash circle (including 3 of our four-legged hashers and a lively group of walkers). It didn’t take long for the abuse to start flying about an apparent lack of flour. Totally unfair in fact because it had survived the deluge amazingly well except for one check circle which, I grant you, was rather “subtle”. And if you all run down a grassy bank like a bunch of lemmings where we haven’t even laid any flour, then you shouldn’t expect to find any.

Most of the route was off-road, some great paths and hidden back-alleys. Nice to bump into the walkers on several occasions. An extra challenge was presented for “Heroes, Villains or Cowards” on Chatterley Whitfield mountain and the lunatic Potteries hashers did us proud by accepting the challenge & running all the way up that crazy steep hill.

Great laughs, a wonderful feast of sausage & chip butties and plenty of rowdiness back at The Jester. But the best moment of the whole day was undoubtedly the one reported during down-downs by Toilet Frog. Can you really believe that The Vicar would ask a blind man whether he’d seen any flour? Priceless. 

On-on

239th Hash ~ Saturday 19th September ~ The Nuclear Hash

We started the hash at The Bush pub in Silverdale. The theme was nuclear. Mark and Sue (aka Ronaldo and the Vicar) were virgin hares and by the time we met looked weary hares. I will never criticise a hash ever again! says the Vicar, referring to the challenge of setting it up. We will hold her to that! We were joined by the Prof this hash and we really had missed him, not just his bits of useful info but his witty repartee. Welcome back. But yet again, we discovered there was another missing link - our roving photographer, who had been poached. Thanks to our replacement - Aberchintz.

We set off with a speedy pace & the first checkpoints were sorted quite quickly. The hills soon started and Ronaldos famous last words will remain in our hearts. It is just hilly in the first half. Yes then at the end, he kept remembering other hills. The day had started out with a mist but the afternoon soon cleared and we ran in a gloriously sunny afternoon.

The hares had set up a rest point and we had a small break at the hash's namesake - the Royal Observer Corp look-out post that in the Cold War was key for tracking Russian nuclear missiles. Thats why we had named it a Nuclear hash. It was shut in 1996, but according to a report, there still remains a typewriter and radio under the mound. The metal door did have a big lock with a notice to break in an emergency but none of us were tempted. (Although there was a small emergency when the rations were found to include a bottle of Indian tonic but NO GIN - what were the hares thinking??).

With freshened steps, the hashers restarted and the view was soon revealed. The view from the top looking over to the void the colliery water storage ponds now converted to a lake and park was a perfect spectacle. We ran down the incline with the sun on our backs getting to the 'Bush' before bed time. A lovely welcoming pub with their own dovecote and 13 white doves - let's hope its a good omen of peace and we will never need those look out posts again. We celebrated in a less than traditional way as the tankards were with the errant photographer (or so it was claimed) but a good time was had by all. On-on to the 20 year celebratory hash next time.

Ronaldo and the Vicar

238th Hash ~ Saturday 22nd August ~ The Jaunty Ramble Hash

Hash walk number 2 on a beautiful sun afternoon in Oakamoor - Florence back where he belongs; Gypsy Rose guiding the way ; General on his way back to fitness ; Whittler giving a history lesson - an idyllic afternoon ahead .......until we met the fairy.....

a spell was cast ! Flasher developed a sudden and urgent need for a pub - the lack of which he proceeded to moan about at 3 minute intervals for the rest of the walk; Gypsy Rose lost interest in the map, preferring her mobile phone(something about her daughter getting married!); Whittler went harvesting plums (in random gardens) and the General took over at the helm, deciding to go in the opposite direction to the instructions.

A wee backtrack and we were off again in the right direction - as far as the stream. Only Hashers could read 'go to the stream and follow back' as ' find the most difficult, slippy point possible - and cross' ! General and Max tried to fight their way through undergrowth to find the imaginary right track - Ticker went mountaineering claiming it to be the only way out - whilst Aberchintz and Eveready steadied Florence across the precarious stepping stones, guided by Whittler.  Had anyone not tuned out to Flasher and his talk of pubs, we may have realised sooner that his cries of joy were not that he'd found the Royal Oak, but someone who knew the way back - on the opposite side of the stream we had just about managed to cross without serious injury.

Back over the stream and of course a heartfelt thank you to the kind gentleman who had shown us the right way to go -  mmmm, don't think he was too impressed - his poor dog took one look at our motley crew, turned and legged it back home !

Thankfully we managed the final 200 yards without incident ! A lovely picnic ended yet another excellent, if somewhat chaotic, hash.  Virgin hares for our September course - lets support them with a good turn out.

Evereadyx

 

237th Hash ~ Saturday 26th July ~ Lola the Stroller Hash

 

Hash number 237 from the White Lion in Crewe turned out to be a bit of an anti-climax. Realisation soon hit Snow White and I that with 5 minutes to go, only 3 people had turned up. We’d set a 6 mile course between us, with numerous checkpoints and false trails. In the circumstances, we thought perhaps we’ll just go for a run. So we removed approximately 2 miles and completely removed the ending that Lola and I had set in the early hours. But hey, it was good practice for setting up another . The best thing about very few turning up, is that we can set up another one exactly the same!

 

Flasher and Aberchintz joined Snow White, Stevie Wonder & me on a run around the country lanes of Coppenhall and Leighton. They commented that they were surprised to see so much greenery around this area and expected chavs throwing bricks at them …………sorry to disappoint.

 

Pit stop at my house and we were joined by Mrs Spencer and Lola for drinks and cake to the amusement of my curtain twitching neighbours and also Bambi and Grasshopper who had turned up very last minute and I’d given them a walking route which technically consisted of walking up and down Bradfield Road and back. Amusingly they’d spent 10 minutes looking for my Red Ford Focus, after several Red Focuses were found, they accidentally discovered us. 

 

Then a mile and half sprint back to the pub concluded the day with Aberchintz bringing up the rear while Stevie W and I decided to run 7 minute miles. Much to her and Snow White’s amusement I’m sure! When we arrived back at the pub, we discovered late-comer Whitler protesting that he had tried to follow the flour, honestly!

 

No down-downs this time, a very sombre gathering but fair play to the pub - they put on the best homemade chips & baps so we will definitely return. As for me, I left the White Lion at 8 pm, well I say “left” - more like dragged from !!!

 

Spencer Davis.

236th Hash ~ Saturday 20th June ~ The Peter, Paul and Mary Hash
 

The weather was threatening to be rather unkind, both for laying the trail in the morning and also into the afternoon, but in fact we got away with a pretty nice day, thankfully.

One interesting fact about the unpredictability of nature – when you reckie a countryside hash route a couple of months before the big day itself, paths that are wide but muddy somehow transform themselves completely into drier but totally overgrown nettle jungles with triffid-like brambles.

Another interesting fact about farming – when the cows are in one field far away from the path one day, somehow they magically appear in the same field as you on another day. And another strange fact - on that particular day when the cows are rather alarmingly rushing towards you, your running partner will somehow have developed wings.

As for the scary huge dogs & low-flying golfballs & hair-raising electric fences – well, the hash-laying morning turned out to be fairly eventful.

Thankfully however, apart from the massive cows blocking the way to the jungle path, most of the hazards were avoided during the hash itself. Plenty of nice country views & attractive properties to admire and the usual banter amongst old & new hashers.

 

On-On. Aberchintz & Flasher

235th Hash ~ Saturday 23rd May ~ James Brindley Hash

 

On-on from The Holy Inadequate along the Trent Mersey Canal north to encounter a wholly inadequate- Spencer Davies- Keep on Supping rather than Keep on Running.

Along the entertainment complex and reluctantly (does the hash suffer from vertigo?) over the bridge and down the disused Hanley railway line (wholly adequate historical knowledge from Vicar’s keeper). A quick dash through the park and another reluctant bridge climb over the Cauldon Canal to glimpse Brindley’s statue.  Negotiate the locks and emerge onto Shelton New Road to cries of “I know where we are now!”

Return over the Trent Mersey and a drinks stop.

More wholly inadequates -Why oh why, Mollie’s dad, would you go against ancient hash principles to throw a bottle of wine away? Group enthusiasm adequately retrieved the wine from the skip (enjoy Florence of Arabia) and it was on inn via the Trent Mersey cooing over goslings and inventive canal/garden access.

Despite close perusal of global sports news there is no mention of Zigazig's retirement-ah well! Eclipsed by Steven Gerrard.

 

234th Hash ~ 25th April ~ "Let's-go-for-a-walk hash" ~ Tittesworth Reservoir

Ever-ready had a great idea for us to do a hash walk for once. A chance for everyone to be together from start to finish, having a leisurely chat rather than gasps in between the on-ons.  Nobody would need to plan/lay a trail & we could have walkers and injured runners join us as well.

Whilst a number of our regulars were unfortunately unable to join us, we still had a lovely afternoon walking around Tittesworth Reservoir. The heavens opened before we started but soon stopped and it stayed nice and sunny for most of the walk.

Hazelnut treated herself to a new pink hat to match her jacket. Flasher was walking strong but spent most of the time grumbling that we wouldn’t stop long-enough for him to stuff a scone down his throat. Lola started the walk adorably lively, clean and fluffy and she ended it still very lively, but a wee bit less clean and fluffy. It was super that 2 non-hashing family members (Claire & Kay) joined us & got into the spirit of the afternoon (or was it the Prosecco?). Ticker tried to threaten me with a down-down for taking a short-cut even though there had been no flour trail to follow.

All-in-all, an enjoyable afternoon was had by all, so much so that we are seriously considering doing a walking hash again sometime.  
On-on
Aberchintz
The 233rd Hash ~ 28th March ~ The Blues Hash and Juke Joint at Acton, Cheshire

Chief hare Prof. hanging around all day with a pretty young woman? Three deputy hares (Biscuit Barrel, Ivor the Engine and some ZZ Top look-alike believed to be Hooker) signalling that this was going to be an unusual event? What was going on?

Yes guys....it was a Prof. Hash with all that entails! Hash circle with an air of opening a garden fete, followed by an exquisite run over the site of the Battle of Nantwich, past a petting zoo and on past places that looked that they shouldn't be there. Where are we? " Aston-Juxta-Mondrum of course" came the reply as Biscuit Barrel finally lost the plot and led off as if he was conducting a guided tour for elderly but fleet of foot holidaymakers.

Ably shepherded by the increasingly enthusiastic Ivor the Engine, the group soon reached the point where it appeared as if the route comprised entirely of running up people's drives and through back gardens! Then a lovely stretch along the Shropshire Union Canal back to Acton nr. Nantwich for tea and cakes. Yummy!

Magnificent vocals from Julia Mosley, partnered by the Prof's majestic amplified harmonica, rounded off a fine day. Many, many thanks to all who helped put on this event, especially to Eveready who danced oh so gleefully to her own Blues song.......especially penned for her by the Prof. Might you get a song. Yes do please "Slow Down Hayley!"

Professor Harpsmoke Harrier
The 232nd Hash ~ 21 February 2015 ~  The Pit Stop Hash @ The Talbot / Bradeley  

Sgt. Grasshopper & myself laid the Hash in the morning, under blue skies.  A good turnout for the hash, with 3 virgins and a Spanish visitor in the form of Tonto. The Pre-Hash meeting in the Talbot introduced everyone to the Prof's Blues themed hash for 28th March - everyone who can (or can't) play and wants to take part head over to the Facebook page and take a look at the rehearsals!


We all set off with the directions from the Sarge ringing in our ears.  The wrong way....  

Eventually picking up the trail everyone set off on-on round Bradeley Fields then onto Whitfield Valley.  With a regroup, then picking up the trail the nature reserve had paths leading off everywhere and could experience the thrill of the hare watching a false trail being followed....and the disappointment of false trails being ignored.

Up hills, down hills through mud; then over water!  The trail wound its way on and the weather worsened: grey skies and a falling temperature. But not for the faint-hearted, the flour pointed up hill. Straight up hill.

This slowed the pace a bit. But all made it to the top and ate all the custard creams. Then it got really cold, it started to throw hailstones like plastic pellets straight in the face.  We made the only sensible decision a Hasher could...on-on to the pub!

The Pit-Stop was stopped, the other half to be continued....

Down-downs were shared with the hares and the virgins all taking a turn and I was pleased to receive my hash name or Hash Handle (due to the way I try and avoid the mud); I have really enjoyed my first turn as hare and look forward to the false trails I lay the future.

Shiggly Girl 
231st Hash ~ 17 Jan 2015 ~ The Hilarious Headgear Hash

January hash report - now renamed the Hilarious Headgear Hash, having viewed Flasher's latest gallery entries !

A fine turnout on a very fine January Saturday afternoon - and once Spencer Davis and Snow White had managed to reprogramme their satnav with the correct pub location, our motley crew were off on the first hash of our 20th anniversary year.

Expecting the normal blizzard conditions, a decidedly unchallenging route had been planned, but Ticker's generous markings (chalk is so much clearer, not) ensured that we still hadn't a clue which direction we were running in. Fortunately the sunshine and clear skies ensured we could enjoy the stunning views that Red Street has to offer for those willing to spend an hour and half tramping through mud, over stiles, and up a few hills. 

Prof set the tone for this year's down downs, with some diligent observations and severe fining, the punishment for which all took with true hasher grit - all that is, except Snow White, who, having arrived late, fled early to avoid sentencing. Having notched up a list of misdemeanours and an array of new Princess titles (who manages to miss the flour when he's told where it is ?!!), he'd be wise to behave in February or make sure he's not driving.

February Hash is in Grasshopper Aka General's capable hands - and March, well it will definitely be different. The excuse of 'I'm on a 6 week trip around the southern hemisphere' has been accepted - for everyone else, if you can't match that, we will expect to see you on Feb 21st.

 
Ever-Ready

230th Hash ~ 21 Dec 2014 ~ Dabbers Xmas Hash


Well a glorious Saturday morning Snow White and I were joined by the Scarlet Pimpernel himself Weeble to set the trail for the Dabbers Xmas Hash. We had picked  The Peacock pub as a first time venue randomly without any thought as to there being a route , we just picked a pub we like and thought what the hell . The only problem being that as the pub was closer to Nantwich and in a nice part of Crewe none of us actually live around there ( cause we can’t afford to ) and to be fair they wouldn’t let Weeble ……… lowering neighbourhood standards an all !

 

Being sensible we had all had a skin full the night before , well two pint Van Damme ( Weeble)  said he’d had a skin full but his other nickname is for a reason ! So we all had lifts to the pub and also so we could get straight back on it afterwards ! A group of around 12 people turned up which was pretty good for the time of year and we mourned our missing Professor ………………….for approximately 5 seconds and then it was a case of Professor Who?

 

The run took us through Willaston and up to the Crewe Vagrants home to the South Cheshire Harriers and the start/end to the Halloween Hellraiser . As we were all in our festive attire we were starting to attract a lot of attention and horn beeping and plenty of flashing lights were apparent . Whittler decided to have a toilet break on Nantwich Road , probably the busiest road in Crewe , so now we know what the beeping and flashing were really for.  

We then headed towards Colleys lane and followed a path to cross the A51 Nantwich Bypass the second busiest road in Crewe ! This was made easier by the Santa Suits and the generous drivers allowing us to pass or they thought we were on day release from a care unit ! I’m going with the latter .

 

We arrived back at The Peacock after the 4 mile run greeted by their very friendly landlady and team that provided more chips and bread than we knew what to do with ….really we didn’t know what to do with !

The down downs were given to new hasher Shergar ? can’t remember if that was her new name or one I came up with following her attempts at the farmers gates proved pretty unsuccessful ! And of course the hares received there down downs , requests were made for another set of down downs but we were told we had to buy our own !

 

Happy New Year Everyone !

 

Spencer Davis, Snow White and Weeble

 

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6LVI1gDswg

229th Hash ~ 22 Nov 2014 ~ Mr Fox's Wintery Hash

 

“Oh Aberchintz, I’m worried – look, I’m sure it’s starting to rain. L I thought you said it wouldn’t rain today?” “Trust me Hooker; it’s not going to rain. You planned the route, you arranged the pub; I’ve got the flour & I’ve sorted the weather, OK?!”. And of course, it was perfect sunny hashing weather around the little Cheshire village of Ellworth (phew, my fake confident bluffing act worked again!). However hashers did encounter the after-effects of the previous few days’ heavy rain part-way round the route! But hey, you’d have been disappointed if we hadn’t added a wee bit of the muddy stuff. 

We were a bit worried that nobody would be able to come along because some of our regulars unfortunately had apologised with other commitments. But we needn’t have worried – there was a respectable turn-out of the regular keenies as well as virgin hasher Ben.  Being Cheshire, the route was pretty darn flat but we managed to find a variety of attractive trails - through old housing streets, over the railway, past newly built estates, along country lanes with attractive old cottages, past the salt flashes now being used as fishing ponds, across clay-bottomed fields (yes Ever-ready - that really was clay under your feet!), through very wet & muddy woodland paths & a stretch of canal towpath to finish off.  There were a few grumbles towards the end that the route was rather long but if hashers had gossiped a bit less and paid proper attention (well, in the spots where the flour gremlins hadn’t scrubbed it out), then they would have found the correct routes quicker, wouldn’t they!

Max was his usual well-behaved enthusiastic self, Fleming decided to do some acrobatics & Ben joined in with the general silliness – even threatening to come back to hash with us again in very near future.

 

On-on
Aberchintz

228th Hash ~ 18 Oct 2014 ~ The Falling Leaves Hash


Mild sunny Autumn weather and expectant eager hashers-what more could one ask for a pleasant Saturday afternoon?
On- On through Thistleberry and into the Three Parks. Despite fishhooks and nods towards false trails it was straight on (though our virgin May bank friends were amazed that so close to home they were in unfamiliar territory).
Over Clayton Road and into the estate (thanks builders for the new footbridge over the Lyme river) and into familiar Lyme Valley. Hi Morrisons- why are those people shopping when they could be running!! Up up up the Blackfriars steps and into the snickets. Hands up who got lost!
What a bonus hotdogs

 

Zigazig

227th Hash ~ 20 Sept 2014 ~ The Joey the Swan Hash

 

The Joey the Swan hash was unique in two ways . Firstly we had our first ever duck race along valley brook and secondly there was no one from the county of Staffordshire taking part. The path was set by Spencer , Snow White , Weeble and the newly name Stevie Wonder. The luxury of having 4 hares is that it was false trail mayhem as we ventured into the depths of Joey the Swan territory. For those who weren’t aware Joey was a Swan that terrorised the locals who walked this area in the 1930’s . On this day there was only one Angry Bird ……..Ever Ready who was half an hour late and so missed the start and tried to run the hash hare less .

The hash continued through Queens park and back to valley brook where it all began where the 12 ducks sailed down valley brook and one of our virgin hashers was the winner of some chocolates. The down downs were typically lead by the professor who in full theatrics baptised the virgin hashers and awarded fines to the late comers . All in all a good day and good to see Weeble back from his time playing sailor boy down in Plymouth.  ON ON

Best regards
Mark Norbury

225th Hash ~ 19 July 2014 ~ The Professor's 60th Birthday Hash

This was a splendid affair. A highly enjoyable afternoon, sponsored by St Swithin and Vimto!

First of all, welcome to our new Hasher "Ivor the Engine", who will attend whenever his train-driving duties permit.

Setting the course challenged the Professor's ingenuity and resourcefulness. Oh did it rain in the morning?

3 Kg of flour...turned to drain-bound pastry in seconds. But this did not deter! Nifty little chalk circles...eradicated from the ground as soon as they were sketched were also gleefully laughed off! Downpour-Downpours which set the scene, could not outdo the sheer joy of our later down-downs.

Our hardy bunch set out from Chez Prof with a song and a smile. Checkpoints were declared on an ad hoc basis as Hashers leapt for joy whenever a damp flour remnant could be found! Over fields, alleyways (and very odd places) and on to a surprise drinks stop...a hedgerow revealing a previously hidden set of edible and quenchable treasures.

Back after such an invigorating run, the Hash was treated to cakes, fruit, beer and shedloads of canned fizzy Vimto....almost a European-surplus lake of the stuff. Goodness knows where the Professor had got it from! Birthday candles, blues harmonica  recitals, Glen Miller, and cute puppies all took centre-stage as the Crewe neighbourhood stood and wondered what was going on!

It is rumoured that the usually verbose Professor was quite humbled by the joy that all his friend's gave him. In fact he just wanted to say "...thank you. I love being with my Hashing companions. You are quite wonderful people." 

On-on!

The Professor
 

223rd Hash ~ 17th May 2014 ~ Carry-on-up-the Churnet Hash!

The morning of our hash around Oakamoor started sunny & warm and got sunnier and warmer. Probably the warmest day of the year so far. We hares were quietly a bit anxious about how people would handle the heat because the route we had planned wasn’t exactly short or flat. Well, to be truthful, we were worried about how WE would handle running it twice on the same day! But we loved it so much, we simply couldn’t bring ourselves to cut anything out. Fortunately we had brought some provisions and Hash Booze had been primed in advance so we knew he would arrive well stocked with a range of thirst-quenchers. Before the hashers were let loose, we arranged for walkers to get to a point about ¾ of the way round to meet us in the shade of the woods with some well-deserved Vimto and bickies (other brands of brightly-coloured sugary drinks are available).

So hashers set off across the big picnic field and towards the village. It didn’t take them long to get lost around the streets (thanks to a crucial blob of flour being deleted – allegedly - by the very villager we had explained hashing to in the morning!) Other bemused villagers came out of their pretty little houses to help us find the two missing “strange men” and eventually Ever-Ready tracked them down. On we went through the bluebell woods and down to the disused part of the Churnet valley railway. Rather obvious where the route went here until hashers became too distracted by an owl under the bridge to spot the sneaky left turn up through nettles and over fence. False trails through the mud having been discounted, we wandered on over a rickety river bridge and then the pretty path with chattering hashers meandered along the riverbank. Another attempt to thwart wily hashers in a big buttercup field proved fruitless as Whitler spotted the exit stile in the distance, heading towards an attractive old farm. We were getting a bit warm by this time but hares reassured hashers that refreshments were just round the corner. Not too soon because Ticker mysteriously and worrying started spouting blood from his arm (cause unknown).

Round the corner and indeed there were the walkers with welcome drinks. Hares were secretly hoping that hashers would be too tired to go for the next “exciting” bit but no – they were a hardy lot who insisted on tackling the steep steps and never-ending climb through the trees. Well worth it for the views though and we were met by a couple of the walkers/short-cutters at the top who wanted to join us for the final down-hill section.

A yummy picnic in the sunshine rounded off a very enjoyable hash.
On-on
Lockjaw & Aberchintz
222nd Hash ~ 26th April 2014 ~ The Triumph Hash! The Nelson Pub, Brown Lees Rd, Knypersley.

Oops !!! I'll type it here - far safer when you're a Luddite !

In true Eveready tradition, the weather forecast for Hash day was dreadful - rain, wind, oh and probably some sleet. Only one thing to do then - set a long, steep route ! And as Ticker pointed out - not much point using loads of flour if it's going to get washed away .......

12.35 and excitement, our first Hasher arrived - definitely showing why the FLASH is in Flasher - official press logos adorning the flashmobile !! Sadly his opening words somewhat dented my optimism - "still injured I'm afraid, oh and Aberchintz is still drinking coffee in the cafe, she may be late"

12.40, hoorah Whittler and Florence - in kit, but with "odd feeling legs" and on "post-fall recovery "  Eveready false trails starting to look somewhat ambitious.

12.45 and clouds starting to break as Snappy Gums drove on to the car park,  a weekend visit back from educating ladies - we may only be a select group again, but at least we'd be in good voice.

12.45 and the sun was now definitely shining, as Grasshopper and Max arrived , with Bambi - complete with running shoes ! First hash back following 2 years of numerous injuries - go girl !

12.59 and Aberchintz, complete with cappuccino froth, screeched into the Hash circle - never in doubt !

The afternoon remained beautiful, the run, a bit tough in places, but accomplished by all in style - despite Ticker not being able to count to 4, no-one understanding that stiles needed to be climbed, and the locals rubbing out most of the flour circles between 11 am and 1pm !!! Fines and  cake to celebrating the landlord's birthday rounded off a good day.

Hopefully essays will be written, lambs born and injuries recovered before we meet again on the 18th.

Eveready x

221st Hash ~ 15th March 2014 ~ The Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss Hash@ The Royal Exchange, Stone.

To misquote Abraham Lincoln this was a Hash "of the smug, for the smug, and by the smug!" Undertaken with a sickening degree of self-congratulatory behaviour, it was almost perfect (with one major, and one relatively minor exception!).

Good weather, a scenic course, a cheerful hare, and an amiable bunch of Hashers...this set the scene for an enjoyable romp around Stone. This was part of the Prof's trilogy of Stone themed runs - next comes the "Stone the Crows Hash" as an Autumn treat. You will remember "Stone Free" last year - out of sight man!

Perfect it was...with  a quiz, and prizes!
Perfect it was...well signposted with flour and chalk.
Perfect it was...a gentle agreeable pace.

The exceptions? So difficult to award down-downs when everyone is behaving so amicably and are clearly focused on the run. However  a question for 'Ticker'...is the colour white so difficult to recognise on such a well-floured course? We could have made him down 6 pints of Titanic ale for his many ocular transgressions, but settled on just 3 down-downs as we held no real malice and could laugh it off...we were all being smug, remember!

Less serious, but still punishable, was the rambling course pursued by 'Whitler' who saw the flour, saw the route, called out instructions appropriately, but then chose to invent a parallel universe to dip in and out of as he felt suited him! A whimsical approach for which he has past form!

The Gettysburg Address would be too short a speech compared to your Professor's oratory in smug response as he was thanked (smugly) by the assembled Hashers for helping to provide a "rate good tarme" in Stone. It has been said of the Professor that he sometimes has "MORE RATTLE THAN TOMMY ROT'S GOT GODFATHERS!" You decide
. He is from Cheshire after all!

The Royal Exchange (Titanic Brewery) is proving to be a popular and welcoming pub to base the Hash on when we venture South of Stoke-on Trent. We'll see you there for "Stone the Crows" soon!

The Professor.
(2-49-24 at the Stafford 20!)
220th Hash ~ 16th Feb 2014 ~ The Land Ahoy Hash @ The Nelson Pub - Brown Lees

"A bit of a breeze and a few drops of rain was enough to see our 'seafarers' hash pretty much sunk ! Our hardy band of 2 hashers, 2 walkers, 2 hares and a coffee drinker watched every car that passed in anticipation of the next arrival - but had to admit that the elements (or perhaps the threat of my baking) had seen off all but the most extreme of hashers.


Bravely, the elite group battled the mud, fallen trees, wind and gales for about half of the original route, until giving in and heading for the warmth of the pub. Weeble, we toasted your forthcoming departure and ate a mound of Popeye cakes in your absence - I hope they fine you heavily at the next hash !!!

As is becoming customary, we'll have a re-run of this hash in April - I'll try to order sunshine next time !

Eveready

219th Hash ~ 18th Jan 2014 ~ The Caper Round ‘Castle Hash

Saturday afternoon in the New Year - prime time for doing the DIY, but nothing so pedestrian for hashers, we are RUNNERS.  So a quick dash round the back of Homebase and into a pub carpark. A dead-end?! The trail seemed to end at a 7 foot brick wall – now what solution would the young, fit men come up with? Treat it as an assault course led by Weeble?  Erm, No way! Fortuitously, a kind man in the car unloaded step ladders to continue the trail.

Up and down, in and out, round and round the alleys and subways scattering bemused shoppers in their wake the hashers capered, splashing in puddles in an ecstasy of chalk dust in the old market town*.

On-on into the Lymestone Brewery (chosen as a treat for the absent Hooker). Everyready exploited  virgin hasher Clueless’s enthusiasm for strange brews & special potions by awarding him more down downs.

* Educational note: During the hash there was an opportunity to view the remains of the castle as in Newcastle and the Lyme as in “under”.
 Zigazig

218th Hash  ~ 21st Dec 2013 ~ Rudolph the Red Lion Hash

Rudolph the Red Lion Christmas hash…

T’was the weekend before Christmas and all through the sleepy village of Wybunbury (Nantwich, Cheshire) ran hashers in abundance, decked in festive regalia to herald the forthcoming celebration. It was a most colourful sight and at 1pm sharp, Ticker’s tunes and guitar twangs could be heard to a jolly rendition of ‘We three kings’…

The hares, Wobbly bits and Biscuit Barrel, with Dougal in tow had booked a sunshiny day that was crisp and even, from a first-time hash run pub, The Red Lion.

Biscuit barrel was conspicuously present wearing a Santa mankini and elf outfit, surrounded by a horde of Santas, and reindeers, Barry and Max, amongst others – not to mention Wobbly bits as Santa’s little helper!

Wobbly Bits informed the group, that prizes were on offer if they could identify; ‘Nellie long arms’, ‘Jenny green teeth’, together with Jemima and Katie, whilst en-route around the National Nature Reserve site, known as Wybunbury Moss - a rare example of a floating peat bog where a 3 metre thick raft of peat overlies a 13 metre deep lake, where ancient, mystical residents Nellie and Jenny reside.

Both runners and walkers met up for a rendezvous and playtime on the swings and slide for mulled wine and mince pies and the sound of Christmas crackers and jokes were enjoyed by all before the throng departed once more, eyes keenly open for the mosses.

First runner to spot Nellie long arms and Jenny green teeth was our virgin hasher, Angus, followed by Ann and Molly dog, one of our walkers who correctly identified the Nellie poster – both were awarded reindeer dropping sweeties – enjoy!! J

Although there was no specific prize for recognising the festive flour feasting fiends, who also enjoyed devouring our hash markers - donkeys, Kate and Jemima, many hashers knew in a flash who they must be!

Within no time, the hashers had returned to the Red Lion where chip butties and sausages awaited our hungry hashers, who beer-swilled them down with ‘down-downs’ and much merriment…  

“Dash away, Dash away, Dash away all – hope you had a wonderful Christmas and here’s wishing you a great 2014 – Until next time, On On...” 

Wobbly Bits, Biscuit Barrel and Dougal xxx          

217th Hash  ~ 16th Nov 2013 ~ The Kipling Hash


A beautiful November day brought together about 15 hashers at the Rudyard Hotel for the Kipling Hash – so named because Rudyard Kipling (author of the Jungle Book) was named after the lake by his parents. Or it could have been because the refreshment stop consisted of Kipling cakes!!

Anyway, the hash started off quite well with all of the hashers immediately following Marg (Gipsy Rose) down the feeder even though there was no flour trail that way! The Professor finally called On On and the hash started to go the right way – for a short time - over the dam. Down the railway track to the station and following the greenway we went. Down the steps by the bridge and after a lot of confusion (again) the trail was found by locating a miniscule amount of flour (of which Ticker insisted a zoomed-in photo was required). Over a stile and through the farmland thick in mud and cow pats, the trail advanced through fields and up hills, the last one up to the church was extremely steep, to the refreshment stop where we met the walkers. Sue (now newly named the Vicar) was invited into the church by the organist/curator who was playing appropriately, "We plough the fields and scatter"!

After a much deserved refreshment break and poetry reading by Everready and the Professor, the hash restarted. Over stiles and through a couple of fields (where Weeble invalidated his hash name with a comedy tumble), all was well until we came to the end of the farm driveway, where the hash turned into a mishmash hash! Hashers went one way for at least half a mile before realising there was no flour and so eventually came back again - by which time the walkers had caught up to cries of “have you seen  the hare?” As he couldn’t be found anywhere, Bambi pointed the hashers in the right direction and resorted to a mobile communication device to find out where the hare had got to. Once he had been located and returned to the group, the hash continued past the one and only non-virtual checkpoint, down an alleyway and behind Horton school at a snail’s pace due to the narrow and slippery path perched on a hillside. A short run back to the Rudyard Hotel completed the hash.

 

Down downs were given to 2nd time hasher Steve now named Snow White due to the fact that although it was 6” thick in mud he still managed to come back with white laces, and to the newly named Vicar . The hare had a bit of stick for being stingy with the flour and had to bear a couple of down downs for various misdemeanours.

 

All in all, an enjoyable time.

 

Memo to hares – if you lose the group, follow your trail, down go a completely different way!!

 

On-On

Max & Sergeant Grasshopper

216th Hash  ~ 20th Oct 2013 ~ Globetrotter Hash - Part 2


It was on a considerably different day from the Globetrotter Hash part 1 (Hash #209) that we started part 2 (Hash #216).  There was no snow to be seen and the sun made a welcome appearance although the heavens opened up again later in the day.  We need more rain still, right?

 

Several virgins were introduced and Baron's lecture on the new rules of Hashing had to be fully related to all in attendance. Additionally, as this had been designated the Halloween Hash, wonderful compliments on each other's costumes were exchanged and many glamorous photos taken.  So, we started about 10 minutes after the hour.  

 

The first check showed the value of the new rules as within 5 minutes we had Hashers scattered all over Nantwich.  This continued unabated for the next hour until The Baron spotted the obvious mistake made earlier in the day when he and Mrs Baron laid out the course.  Apparently, there was a moment of miscommunication between the grey cells of each party and an additional blob of flour (or chalk - can't remember) was inadvertently plopped down which had the wonderful affect of evenly splitting the Hash into two groups who thought they were both ON!  Whoops!!  In all fairness to Mrs Baron, it was The Baron who screwed up and takes full responsibility for this most serious of Hashing crimes.

 

Anyhow, The Baron rallied the two groups and as serious time has now passed, and we were getting thirsty, we took a direct path across the corn fields to ON-HOME.

 

As the Hashers were well spread out by now one of the lead Hashers, a virgin no less, was seen leaving the scene of the ON-HOME before all had returned - a serious misdemeanor which warrants multiple down-downs when she attends next time.

 

The usual down-downs were well done by the thirsty virgins and of course various others including the rule-making/rule-breaking Baron.

 

ON-ON

The Baron

215th Hash  ~ 21st Sept 2013 ~ Stone Free- The Hendrix Hash (Part One) September 2013

 

As the flower children gathered in the sunshine of the Staffordshire market town of Stone (some real groovy chicks and guys) the vibe was that "something is amiss"!

 

A railway crossing had developed bad vibes! Mysteriously, it refused to lift. Your Professor, and his spaced-out buddy Hooker, were to be denied the truly triumphant entry to the town that they both craved, and were entitled to have.

 

Yet. Soon our Cheshire-based hares, highly dosed on the tabs of Cheshire Cheese they had ingested whilst laying the course, were wending their way through the flowers, uttering truly freaked out instructions about "imminent happenings" and "psychedelic pathways".

 

Strains of "first there is some flour...then there is no flour...then there is..." sufficed for instructions. Significantly, "Biscuit Barrel" took no notice, preferring to riff a lengthy guitar solo, with three multi-coloured dogs that rose up into the sky. (At least I think there were 3 dogs...best  lay off that Cheshire Cheese!)

 

Just like one of Jimi's longer improvisations, the Hash was lengthy, intricate, and baffling at times. Many wanted it to just finish! And yet, it was transfixing, life-affirming, and sparked both controversy (viz "Duracell" and the "fish hooks") and rapture ("Oh my god! I can see The Wrekin in a cloud of haze! Purple Haze! Far Out!")

 

A true "happening" marked our return to the down-downs at "The Royal Exchange". We were able to shrink a full sized garden into a postage stamp! As Frank Zappa observed back in 1968:

 

"Unbind your mind

There is no time

To lick your stamps

And paste them in

 

DISCORPORATE!

 

Part Two of this trip will be played out for your amusement in the Spring of 2014.


The Professor.

214th Hash ~ 24th August 2013 ~ Back to Black

 

A nice return to the Black Horse in Chesterton – now under new management.

On setting the Hash, I wanted to see parts of Apedale I hadn’t seen for ages, and the new Energy Station and Visitor Centre which was only opened in the last couple of years.

So 19 intrepid hashers and Molly the Dog started off. Rambling through Chesterton Park and Parish Church and passing Downings Old Brick Works before entering Apedale Country Park. On-On was the call as people looked at us puzzled. Up and down the old slag heaps, round the lakes and through the woods & fields.

Stopping for a re-group at the “Apedale Wheel”, remembering the old Apedale colliery. Also here is my Apedale Stonehenge! A circle of upright railway sleepers with holes to see local landmarks on the distant horizon.

Back to the pub for a well-earned drink and down-downs for virgin hashers and various others who committed misdemeanors.  To finish off, chips & sausage butties arrived and were duly demolished. What a finish to a great hash.

ON-ON-ON-INN

Duracell

 

213th Hash ~ 19th July 2013 ~ Hash Sauce Part 2

 

Following the picturesque but challenging January conditions, we returned to the source of the Trent for an easier hash around Biddulph.  The moors had a different plan!


As temperatures soared, I was forced to divert the course away from the best hills and hunt out a drinks stop.  Not that I need to have been concerned that it would end up being too easy - the sight of a returning Weeble in the Hash circle ensured that a completely different route would be run, with more false tracks than we could ever have hoped to set !


Covered in sun lotion and insect spray our hardy crew set off boldly under a cloudless sky.  Before the first check point however, Mother Nature again had the upper hand and we were barely faster than a jog, the heat dictating our pace.  Definitely a day for enjoying the views on a beautiful summer's day, rather than breaking any speed records.


It was long, hot and sweaty - but our merry band carried on regardless and for a second time conquered the challenging weather and made it back for a much needed down down.  Sadly our band may be merry, but is definitely tuneless - and as Aberchintz politely pointed out, sings in about 4 different keys. Snappy Gums we need you back soon ..............


Eveready x

 

212th Hash ~ 22nd June 2013 ~ The Steam Engine Hash

 

Aberchintz had mapped out this month’s hash route and had been involved in reckying it in advance but as things turned out, she wasn’t able to actually help lay the trail on this mid-summer morning itself. Fortunately though, all wasn’t lost – Lockjaw very willingly and capably stood-in – and did a sterling job, working in partnership with Flasher. It seems they shared the duties equally – Lockjaw laying all the false trails and Flasher project-managing. They got quite a soaking when they started laying the trail but fortunately the deluge was short-lived and the pluvial precipitations stayed away for the rest of the day. Flasher repeatedly reiterated that they had apparently used up 5 full bags of flour on the trail but hashers did express some collective doubts about the verity of this assertion. There were several sections of flour-free deserts along the way and these could not be exclusively explained-away by virtue of the fields of long grass hiding blobs. Apparently this intermittent dearth of flour was also because Flasher didn’t believe you should lay any flour along straight sections of path or road...

Attendance on this hash was rather more “quality than quantity” of hashers – largely because of holidays and other commitments (for example, a telephone apology was received from Hooker who had got a better offer from the Cheshire CAMRA society!). And of those who made it, several were not 100% firing on all cylinders with lingering illnesses and sub-par-ness rather prevalent. Nevertheless, it was great to see everyone – in particular, it was fantastic to have Billy the Bully back with us. The beautiful and varied countryside scenery through which we meandered (at a fairly lackadaisical pace, it must be admitted) kept everyone’s spirits high and the great humour and banter were reassuringly bouncing around from start to finish.

Aberchintz was fortunately able to join the hash in the afternoon (and has therefore got lumbered with writing this report). She obviously knew the correct route so spent much of the time telling Flasher to shut up and stop giving hashers so many clues! The trail meandered over fields, over the Foxfield railway and through Dilhorne woods. We saw plenty of wildlife and Lockjaw even managed to pick up a rather eligible, chatty farming gentleman who might even join the hash in future..! EverReady and Spencer Davis in their bright pink tops did most of the trail-blazing honours, finding most of the trails (false & true) and taking a lot of abuse from the rest of the gang because we couldn’t hear any of their calls.  Peggy Sue & Florence were rather under-the-weather but bravely jumped right back up after taking unceremonious tumbles. Florence is also to be applauded for negotiating all the innumerable stiles without requiring hospitalisation or winching. The Baron was another brave bunny, hashing despite struggling with a bad chest – and charitably willing to let the rest of us feel faster because he was slightly less speedy than usual! As for Ticker, well he managed to blend into the background so uncharacteristically, that I can’t think of anything notable to report on his afternoon’s hashing performance.

A rather sedate down-down-free hour was spent afterwards in the very welcoming White Lion pub. Tasty chip-butties were made even tastier by irresistibly unhealthy pork-pies.

 

On-on ~ Flasher, Lockjaw & Aberchintz

211th Hash ~ 18th May ~ The Boffin Run

So many opportunities for lost hashers and 2 dogs near the Terrace, so hashers were directed towards main road and the historic railway arches near the river. On trail to cross the Trent on the wooden bridge (loved Grasshopper – oops - Sergeant Major’s comments as the native boy is surrounded by the natural park that has been created without his knowledge and his boyhood fishing memories) and titsed around Staffs University grounds till Ticker (I think!) spotted the gap in the fence. Skirted around the new Sixth Form College and the Uni’s Science Block to traverse the historic student accommodation Coronation Street style. Fun in the park tarted up by Stoke on Trent College regeneration. Even though the information was emblazoned on the gates, no-one spotted the answer to the question “When was The Festival of Britain held?”, however as the hare had forgotten to pose the question this was unsurprising.
Into the second part of the park, frightening young boys when the granddads got down on the scene. Serve Paul & Hooker right having to go back looking for car keys located on the hamster wheel. Crime Scene House –spooky! University playing fields and Clarice Cliff Accommodation for drinks stop. Such is the nature of our hash lately that hashing is a biscuit club with a running problem.
On on and through the partially built St Peter’s Academy. More history as the old Stoke loop railway was revealed but hashers too ignorant or knackered to muse in awe.
Lovely welcome from Sam at the pub with chips & sausages given freely. Nice to see Roy located the correct venue this month.

 

Jane "Zigazig

210th Hash  ~ The Bluebell and Bunnies Hash  ~ 20th April 2013

Hash Report – The Broughton Arms Hash, otherwise known as The Bluebell and Bunnies Hash

This started with the hares, known at that time as Sue and Philippa, arriving rather late looking stressed, disheveled and covered in flour. Two lessons had already been learnt by these novice hares: It takes longer than 2 hours to set a good hash route and wearing black is not a good idea when handling copious amounts of flour.

The hash set off, and, as well as the usual crowd, it was great to see some visitor hashers, friends of The Baron, and also to see Haggis Basher who had previously only hashed in Saudi Arabia!

It soon became apparent that the hares should also have taken more notice of the hashing symbols on previous hashes. Very careful circles and been drawn around crosses on the false trails and they had also taken it upon themselves to invent new symbols as it suited them. Confusion temporarily reigned! It was pointed out by Fleming that a circle with a cross in it, although little used, does have a meaning so maybe these first time hares were ‘accidentally’ just being clever. One of the hares was obviously feeling full of love, and had created a perfect heart at one checkpoint - ahh.

Despite the unusual flour symbols, the trail was followed and eventually we reached Lawton Woods, where there should have been a blanket of Bluebells to delight the hashers. The Baron & Grasshopper did manage to find a few (as in one clump) and Flasher captured one solitary bluebell with his camera, but that was it. Since no one, including the hares, could quite remember where the bunnies fitted into the name either, a quick hash name change was needed to simply The Broughton Arms Hash.

After a final gallop/leisurely saunter down the canal in the welcome sunshine, we were back at the Broughton, where the usual down downs ensued led by The Professor. There was much applauding of Spencer Davis on his recent excellent half marathon run at Wilmslow. Sue and Phillipa were also given their future hash names: ‘Peggy Sue’ and ‘Pippa Longstocking’. 

The novice hares were reassured by Aberchintz that their efforts were much appreciated and enjoyed – measured by the generous amount of abuse they received from other hashers – apparently the more abuse, the better!

‘On On’ till next time. Peggy Sue and Pippa Longstocking

209th Hash  ~ Baron’s Barren Nantwich Globetrotter Hash ~ 23rd March 2013

Despite the dire weather predictions a small group of intrepid hashers assembled at The Globe in Nantwich.  However, due to the predictions and morning snow The Baron’s hash markings were somewhat barren (read non-existent).

So, all seven of the magnificent seven hashers set out on a globetrot of Nantwich.  This was classified as a mud-free event so the originally scheduled mud baths were cancelled and some 75 minutes later we arrived back at the Globe.  

At the Apres approximately 86% of the hashers drank coffee and only 43% drank beer.  86% + 43% does not equal 100%???  The astute statistically-aware hashers will be aware that some drank coffee and beer – yuk!!

So, the original hash expedition plan has been archived so we can resurrect it later in the year assuming it doesn’t snow throughout the whole of 2013!

As this was a non-hash there were no down-downs so we can double up next time!

The Baron

208th Hash ~ The Valentine’s Hash ~ 16th Feb 2013.

On a dry and sunny but cold day a good bunch of crazy hashers turned up at the Travelers’ Rest in Stanley to be met by Flasher’s wicked grin and the words “I’m warning you folks – it’s gonna be the muddiest hash you’ve ever tackled…”. And he wasn’t wrong but fortunately this didn’t seem to put anyone off.  Snappygum started the ball rolling – completely forgetting what a blob of flour looks like. But after a lot of insults and threats of a guaranteed downdown, we were off through the fields. And it didn’t take more than a minute or two to encounter the first muddy section. A few yelps and girlie squeals (mostly from the guys of course) before the on-ons started to be heard going off into the distance.

Fortunately the speedy-gonzaleses (if that’s the plural?) were slowed down here and there by the hares surreptitiously insisting on every single false trail being thoroughly checked out before proceeding. And EverReady helped to keep us all together – as well as ensuring she had an extra bit of a workout – by running a rather long way down a woodland path even though there wasn’t the slightest fleck of flour to be seen…

The first little quiz question that had been set at the start was promptly solved at the highest viewpoint whilst the second question engendered some unwarranted insinuations about Aberchintz’s great age.

More squeals and mutterings followed as we slipped and squelched down an incredibly muddy Old Mill Lane – don’t you realise that some people pay an awful lot of money for mud treatments at Exclusive Spas?

A final little treat was in store with a sneaky false trail at Stanley Pool – it was nice of Spencer Davis to take the bait & lead a few keen hashers along the poolside path, even carrying on when the path became totally submerged for a while…

On-on ~ Aberchintz and Flasher

206th Hash ~ “The Wineing Moaners’ Santa Hash” ~ 22nd December 2012

 

Hi Hashers a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.
 
Not so much a Hash more a social gathering.  2 circles of flour and the rest was a guess.
 
Ticker held his mini comp. with three press ganged volunteers.  Object to use orienteering methods to control the hash.
 
After quick attempt to locate an easterly direction with four different answers, abandoned the attempt.
 
Virgin runner (Mick) selected to be Rudolph, with antlers & red nose in place he indicated a Westerly direction to commence the run.  We proceeded on a Northerly route for 50 yds, check point called by the hare and the confusion continued.
 
With a few horns blowing and shouts of HO HO HO from the motorist we got into a rhythm
slight upwards gradient received some wingeing comments from the hashers.
 
The hash  proceeded to zigzag upwards through the mist, kids play ground on through a wet field or two,  but forever rising into the mist  at a  re-group we assembled the runners for the final push-up to a small knoll, low and behold(we should have sung a Carol) a castle appeared out of the gloom the" FOLLY of MOWCOP"
 
A quick rendition of Hark the Herald angels, then retrace some of the course to eventually getting ON-IN,  with a few festive nibbles and a pint of good brew the down downs done.                                                                                                                                       

That ends another year of pleasant times with fellow members
 
 Ticker &  Florence

205th Hash ~ The Brit-Vic Hash The Terrace Inn, Fenton ~ 17th November 2012

A very warm welcome at the pub and off we went the terraced streets providing plenty of alternatives. Suddenly on track and over the track via the rusting walk bridge. Up and down the “backies” and into Fenton Park. Some confusion at the walk bridge over the A50 but a well spotted gap in the hedge by Eveready and we were sharing the drink stop at the Holiday Inn with our newfound hangerson friends gamely dragging their bikes behind them.
There in the near distance enhanced by the late Autumn sunshine was THE BRIT. To Spencer’s delight we followed the trail around 3 sides where Zigazig’s car parking space 318 and Stanley Matthew’s statue were revered with equal gravitas.
Along the canal and a long the canal and a long the canal enlivened by jumping over the fishing rods to stare through the wire fence at the remains of THE VIC. Having enough of this nonsense Spencer fearlessly led the pack across busy roads. Apart from a geog. lesson revealing a secret part of the Trent we were away and on inn.

 

Jane "Zigazig"

204th Hash ~ “The Straight and Narrow” ~ 20th October 2012

We arrived at Top Pub, Brown Edge – a little late in the fog. Grasshopper & Billy the Bully were hares for the day.

The hash started in total confusion – hashers everywhere, lost in the mist and complaining “Where’s the flour?” Let me add that no expense was spared in using six bags of flour on the hash. Even Max the dog could find the trail!

Anyhow, what an easy hash – No hills, no mud, no animals….. haha.

We all had a good time afterwards in the Beer Garden. We ran out of beer because there were so many down-downs. By now the sun was out and everyone could make their way home safely.

‘Till next time – ON-ON.

Billy the Bully and Grasshopper.

203rd Hash ~ Shavington Shambles 22nd September ~ Report from Spencer Davis (Mark) and Weeble (Matt) 

Weeble and I planned this hash a couple of hours prior to the start. In between me trying to become an academic, Weeble fighting everyone with a pulse and throw in a heavy drinking session at Crewe Alexandra the night before, the planning was less than minimal. We knew where to start. The Coconut Grove otherwise known as the Cheshire Cheese was the setting and Weeble and I greeted everyone still drinking and drunk from the night before. We broke the news this was an especially long hash around 6.5 miles to the groans of our fellow hashers but we didn't care due to the alcohol effect. 

 

A quick sprint up to Shavington had the hashers' blood pumping and Florence moaning like an old woman; a short diversion round a cow pat/false trail laden field continued the moaning and Weeble and I got the impression we were doing a good job. 

 

It wasn't  long before we lost the newly named "Baron" and we were concerned for a couple of seconds but he allayed our fears by reappearing 30 minutes later having completed the hash and coming back for seconds. 

 

We met Mrs "Spencer Davis" at Joey the Swan (an area named after a cantankerous bird that lived there in the 1930's). Talking of cantankerous birds, Ever Ready found a rope swing where we hoped to re enact some moments from Jackass. Everyone was treated to the best of Crewe a la carte cuisine ( Mini rolls and Bakewell tarts). No expense spared!!!. 

 

It prepared us for the long trek back and a few down downs for just about everyone and especially the hares because we were just starting to get hangovers and needing top up. 

 

We had a good day, had some feedback and celebrated by going back out on the lash.

On-On :-)

202nd ~ “The not so Royal Hash” Report ~ 18 Aug 2012
 
A "downmarket" Hash on the side of Mow Cop. No Fancy Dress, Baubles or Bells, although it did have one "Crown" - the Pub at Mount Pleasant.
 
A round(head) Bakers' dozen enjoyed a glorious sunshine hash (GM likes Sunshine).
 
GM called Florence for an early DownDown, his daughter suggesting he would look good in a bird nest with those legs of his. 
 
Circled, "Find flour" was the call! Some ten minutes later we had progressed 80 yds up the hill.
The "4 girls" decided to do some hill climbing, with a call from the hare to go higher they found the X.
Virgin runner then found start of the trail and proceeded to lead the pack a merry dance, "Whittler" came to the fore to find the trail, across a field over a style ... a cross was found! We were on-on said Whittler( true said GM). Up the hill if you will.
On reaching a road the "4 girls" took to hill climbing again (wrong again girls). The run was organised for a while, well 400yds, runner found a shortcut to find a trail, regroup to get on the right trail (the Bar-Bill was growing by the minute). At last a period of structured hashing ensued, we managed to find the Vista (smashing Views). On again and running well through the nettles onto the road, up the hill with a detour for the leaders, down a lane, diversion into a field especially for the Vista of "Mow Cop Folly" (the girls were sad we were not going up to it). Proceed down a lane to a five barred gate with a X . Regroup & find the hidden style "on-on" across a field to a check point.
"Whittler" finds three blobs and away go half of the hash. Meanwhile Max and Grasshopper find the trail in the opposite direction, hard luck Whittler but keep on trying. A second check and away we go across a field, over a style; "Billy the Bully" checks the signpost direction left of fence-post & whittler goes to the right ... flour found on fence line (smart move Florence). Hard luck "Billy" come back; we proceed across a brook and over the fields, down a path with a switchback at the end hashers acknowledge each other as they pass out onto a road,         ON INN !!?
 

Florence & Ticker

200th Anniversary Hash 23.06.12

A tide of red, white & blue clothed hashers assembled in Apedale top car park many proudly exhibiting bargains of Jubilee tat and displaying their 200 tattoos ready and eager for the trail. Then the Old Rat Poison Bluff kicked in and the hare showed admirable fortitude during the Rapped Knuckle Scenario which proved to be fortuitous as it allowed the over the border contingent to arrive with tall tales of traffic problems and superior geographical knowledge. However, the start was still a cock-up!
But after three false starts the confused gaggle gained in confidence and managed to follow flour out of the park and into woods where desperate to avoid his quiz aversion the GM hid and consequently got lost. A rescue squad was assembled and by the time the young bloods at the front had overcome their bovine fear the pack was again as one. Into woods again where some superior shortcutting resulted in new pack leaders. This anomaly enraged the fast runners who arrogantly chose a right turn in the village to survey the wrong monument. Assembled at the correct monument déjà vue clouded judgement and it was a defeated struggle up the hill. What should have been a glorious, quick joyous descent was marred by shaggy and déjà vue as another wood was entered. Anticipating a drinks stop the checks were quickly dismissed and after another scary bovine encounter the pack spilled into civilisation and Pimms.

Can’t remember the down-downs except for Flemming and Sylvia who only came for the beer!

Jane "Zigazig"

"The Dr Dolittle" Hash Report 199  19 May 2012

After weeks of miserable, wintery, cold & wet weather, it was a relief to find that this particular hash Saturday remained dry for us.  Thankfully, the experience of laying a trail would be slightly less painful than the test-run we did in a nasty hailstorm a few days earlier. We got back to the pub covered in flour but in OK-shape – and with just enough spare time to have a lovely cup of coffee before the gang arrived.

A good turn out – plenty of old stagers and 3 newbies who kept smiling despite the crazy nonsense which started as soon as the gang emptied from their vehicles.  We were particularly concerned for the sanity of Ticker who ran around the carpark like a banshee covered in cuddly animals. Hmmm.

We headed off promptly and the speed-merchants were soon onto the right trail heading up a hill by the old church. Hardly any road sections but lots of check-points, a fair few stiles, slurry pits, twisting turning paths and fields of long grass meant that hashers kept pretty well together. The usual banter & friendly abuse kept the spirits high despite tiring legs. Not a long route but challenging enough by all accounts!

Our fears that the “Dr Dolittle Hash” title would be irrelevant were thankfully unfounded. We encountered a squirrel glove-puppet as well as chickens, ducks, horses, goats, sheep, cattle (and lively bullocks) en route. The Professor went all gooey over a cute little lamb. And of course we mustn’t forget our own dear Max who fell madly in love with Ticker’s squeaky bird.

As always Ever Ready found her usual quota of false trails & Grasshopper was summarily abused & sent directly to Specsavers. Our three virgin hashers willingly allowed themselves to be subjected to the usual down-down nonsense and being dragged into the annual ritual of the Maypole fiasco. And Carl & Barbara at Dilhorne’s White Lion pub did us proud with a warm welcome and yummy chip butties.

Flasher & Aberchintz

Alice in Wonderland Hash Report. 21 April 2012

Providing a summary of this Hash has caused your Professor a great deal of anguish. This is because of an image that “Flasher” had put in my mind as I waited to run a rain soaked 20-mile race (like you do!).

Flasher, weighed down with cameras, decided to inform me, two minutes before the start that the way he deals with persistent rain is to drench his entire body in baby oil. Frightened that he might offer to cover me in baby oil, I ran for the start line and ended up knocking 10 minutes off my PB lest he should catch up with me! Hence my long term trauma and exhaustion may help to explain why I am late submitting this report.

Our “Alice in Wonderland” Hash was a grand day out in Crewe! We had Cheshire Cats, “Eat Me” and “Drink Me” items, a Lobster Quadrille, and lots of songs and nonsense poems i.e. a typical day in the life of your esteemed Professor!

Thanks to everyone who entered into the spirit of the event by dressing up and singing lustily during the breaks for songs. The course wasn’t bad either. Indeed I heard it remarked by one of the ladies that despite her past prejudices, maybe the outskirts of Crewe were indeed a “Wonderland”.

The Professor (aka Christopher Walsh)

Hanchurch Hash Report 197. March 2012

A Hash set in Hanchurch woods is not allowed to take place unless Roy has given the all –clear or is involved in setting the course as a HARE. Snappygum ensured she had Roy’s support on both counts and all was looking good. However, with his back giving him jip, Roy nobly conceded that Grasshopper could take his place as fellow Hare on the day and Snappygum planned the route without him - an unprecedented event.

The water tower at Hanchurch, though well known to participants of Roy’s runs, is not tall enough to be seen in Cheshire so turn-out from our neighbouring County colleagues was low. Spencer Davies turned up looking a little late and fraught, having ‘driven round the same roads, but not finding us’.  After a general welcome from the GM, the gang set off. Snappygum had foiled a few by taking an alternative direction than usual. Ha ha, that’s what comes of being out of Roy’s hands. The route went across the road and over the mountain bike paths, undulating through the trees. There was a short stop for a VIEW, of the nearby fishing pools and time to catch breath, then ON ON following the flour to the Sports Club at Whisper Lane. A fearsomely fit few carried on down to the end of the lane but were perplexed to see a CROSS.  What can that mean? There was no CHECK? It meant a complete turn around and back up the Lane. There were no happy bunnies following the Hare till Grasshopper disappeared behind a skip and retrieved a bag. Thank goodness, a well deserved drinks stop. ON ON was called again and the gasping group retraced their steps back to the Woods to follow the flour. Snappygum really gave them a tough workout with a steep long incline to climb towards the end but the welcoming words ON IN were soon spotted by the eagle-eyed.

No ON INN to run to as a picnic had been planned and the tired crew wolfed down the sausage rolls and flapjacks . DOWN DOWNS were partaken though a pity no virgins were present. Guess who put an appearance in though and brought homemade cakes? Only Roy, of course! I’d like to think Snappygum did him proud. 

Hash Report 195 - NEW YEAR HASH [The Rising Sun, Wistaston, Crewe]

On a sunny “Blue Skies” morning Ticker & Florence laid a trail running mainly through fields and woodlands, before passing through farmland with its animals and obstacles.

The hashers arrived bringing black clouds and threats of a wintry blast, but not to worry - it didn’t last.

Early on in the hash some excellent calling by S D & E R saw the leading pack dragged back to view a “CUL-DE-SAC”!

A few twists and turns to enter into a play ground, which gave Grasshopper and his dog Max a chance to lead the pack out of the park and into the adjacent estate - they must learn to read the trail!

Regroup then up the hill round the field to exit onto the canal; leave the canal pass under low bridge (mind your head) into fields that lead to the woodlands where (with thanks to the dog walkers and some rain) the trail took on a less structured nature. With some hesitation we managed to proceed, passing the sheep and across a field to a chocolate biscuit break (McVities Digestives no less).

The pathways now were somewhat ELECTRIFYING in more ways than one, ask E R about the reaction to touching the rope fence?

WHOOPS beware BUCKING BRONCOS across the trail. We survive that only for the BULLS appear. WHOOPS again!

A gentle trot gets us past the paddock and onto a road down the hill and nearly home the pub in sight…… ouch the trail turns down onto the canal marina! One more style,  a field and a country road  to add an extra mile; “ON INN” was the call for the runners to stretch their legs.

Nice chip butties in the SUN where a few “OLD FARTS” got applause for “LONGEVITY”.

 ON ON

Hash report 194 - Kings and Queens Christmas Hash 17th December 2011 [Rising Sun]

Hi Fellow Hash Runners

Following  several inches of snow covering South Cheshire during the early hours of the 17th , the road to the Rising Sun being closed 2 hours before the hash due to a car crash and a blizzard appearing while attempting to set the hash , I knew the odds were stacked against me. Some thinking outside the box and some wholemeal flour was purchased which allowed the hashers to find the first false trail , unfortunately the mornings rainstorm had wiped out virtually everything else.

Luckily Weeble was on hand to lead the merry troops completely astray and before you knew it we were enjoying the views of Crewe and King George V Playing Fields and the newly restored Queens Park. Mrs Spencer Davis otherwise known as " I don't do exercise " was waiting for us at Tipkinder park for some mince pies and mulled wine. Then the fun and games commenced with Weeble leading everyone up to the BMX tracks when he knew we were going the other way , the smile on his face spoke a thousand words on their return back down.

We then ventured into the west end of Crewe and where explorers have often gone but never returned and as guaranteed some youths with the academic ASBO letters following their name decided to greet us with snowballs. Weeble then turned into a cross between a Police community safety officer and a bouncer and decided to unleash fury on them which allowed us to pass through this warzone without any more incidents. The joys of the ice rink otherwise known as Valley Road were next with no casualties and then we proceeded to Joey the Swan where Ever Ready quite clearly had too much energy and decided a sprint up to Nantwich was required.

Back to the Rising Sun where everyone was penalised with a down down with reasons including their occupation , shortcutting, toilet breaks or they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Comment of the day for me was when someone asked who wants to do the Valentines Hash , the serious reply " when is it "  had me laughing for hours after.
 Considering the challenges of the day, an excellent turnout and an enjoyable afternoon.

Merry Xmas

Spencer Davis

Hash report 193 (White Lion-Barthomley)

Billed as "The Professors Puzzler", this Hash was inspired by the Prof's hypothesis that it could be possible, with due enthusiasm, to create a marriage between the Counties of Cheshire and Staffordshire.

A real groom (Alex the Mini-Prof) would test this hypothesis prior to his nuptials in January 2012, hence a stag and hen party atmosphere was prevalent on this rather extravagant Cheshire-Set type Hash!

Before leaving Cheshire (n.b Mini-Prof had never been allowed to leave the County before) handfuls of Cheshire Cheese were handed out and boots cleaned with oatcakes to ward off any evil spirits.  Then a run through a mystery tunnel full of weird industrial (military?) vehicles and on to Milldale via one of the Prof's famous "12 path conundrums", all of which Ever-Ready was sent down!

Milldale was spectacular in its late Autumn colours.  Go there if you can, it is near Audley. Fortunately there was no pheasant shooting in it today, though Molly the dog looked in fine sporting mode!

After a pause for celebratory Champagne,  Thornton's Continental chocolates, and sponge wafers; we crossed back into Cheshire and ran back into Barthomley to a peal of Church Bells (how was that for good timing!)

Alex the Mini-Prof was delighted and remarked that the day had been even better than his actual stag do!

Thanks also to our Doctorate of hosts (Mike and Janet Owen) for helping with the refreshments.

Hypothesis confirmed. Cheshire and Staffordshire do make a great team together.

The Professor.
"Hashio Ad Infinitum- Bonum Est"

Hallowe’en Hash - Hash 192 Report - 22nd October 2011 ~ [The Gresley Arms ~ Alsagers Bank]

Eventually, after admiring our ghoulish outfits we got going and found the flour. Up the bank and a sneaky little trail over the hidden stile. Eveready gave the nasties an answer when they challenged our right to a public footpath-boring! boring! Maybe they were just scared-was that before or after Flasher had removed his mask?
On and down into Podmore Woods where the trails wound round and round and round and round before emerging into flatter open terrain. Florence saying there wasn’t enough flour and Ticker saying there was too much flour (sorry about the trail that was when I laid it Friday but wasn’t on Saturday).
A convivial bloody drink stop near the lake and into the home stretch.
 Finally the on-on venue was decided-can we claim petrol expenses from hash cash? And down downs commenced, Whittler dissenting that he’d tried to be a good boy this run.
Thanks to the prof for the geography lesson.

Zigazig

Hash 191 Report - 24th September 2011 [Orange Tree ~ Trent Vale]

Keeno, Little Ben and Frosty couldn’t do the hash as planned due to Saturday jobs and Army Cadet training so it was left to Grasshopper and me (Bambi) to lay the renamed The Recycled Teen Hash. Frosty did a recky with Grasshopper the week before but some parts of the route had to be modified due to not all of us being 14 years old!! Jumping streams and walking across logs did not seem suitable for all of us old hashers (only kidding).

Laying the trail started off well – 8.30am bright and early Saturday morning. We took the refreshments and extra flour up to the halfway point by car to save carrying it all around and hid it in the bushes to pick up later. The route started off quite easy around Lyme Valley and across the road towards the fields. On arriving at the half way point we went to collect the flour to continue laying the trail and it was nowhere to be seen! We hunted in all of the bushes to no avail - so it was a trip down to Tesco covered in flour to buy some more. Running behind time, cursing and hoping the people who had nicked the biscuits and juice enjoyed (choked on) them, we carried on to the end.

The hash started off well and we got to the halfway point in good time and had the refreshment stop. As we were packing up, a lady came from the bungalows and said she had seen us hiding bags in the bushes and thought we looked suspicious so she had confiscated the bags in case they were drugs!! On taking them home and investigating, her husband said it looked like refreshments for an event so she had kept a lookout for us.

Grasshopper guided everyone through a “dangerous” section of the hash but he was the only one who fell at that hurdle! Through Clayton and down to the Mich training ground, the route led to a river with a fallen log over it Someone-mentioning no names- stood on the X and said ‘How are we meant to get over this?’

On, On through the estate and back to the Orange Tree in good time for a nice piece of cake for Flasher’s “aherm” birthday.

A few down downs were in order and a suggestion of plastic babybibs for future as one or two ended up wearing more than they drank.

Thanks to Bill the Bully for stepping in at the last minute to be the back hare.

Grasshopper and Bambi x

Hash 190 Report - 20th August 2011 [Bleeding Wolf ~ Scholar Green]


Hi Hashers;
 

Despite the editor's words of warning, the wolves and the weather behaved themselves. An excellent turnout of hashers and hounds and the sun shone throughout.

 

The hashers, however, proved to be less well behaved ! After 5 minutes on the car park a very big hint was required to get the run underway, followed by about half a dozen hashers missing the cross for the first checkpoint - this was going to be a long day. 

 

An interlude of summer games and a sniff of some "friendly" competition, quickly gave way to fierce rivalry and downright cheating. Eventually podium places were awarded to Aberchintz, Lucy the Dog and Zigazag - well done all.

 

What should have been a fairly gentle route back was interrupted by not one, but two unplanned bladder stops - not that I was watching but believe Whittler and HRH were involved - separately I hope. Jethro and Spencer Davies had led a breakaway group and were on an impressive sprint "on in".  Unfortunately they had decided that following any of the flour markings was all to easy, so had led half of the group out towards Congleton before we felt it only right to call them back on track.

 

Future hares, don't bother spending days planning a 5 mile track - give Spencer Davies and Jethro an egg and spoon each and let them play out scenes from Forrest Gump with the rest of the pack in tow !

 

See you in September.

 

Eveready

Hash 189 Report - 23rd July 2011


Hi Hashers;

 

A big thank-you to all that turned out for the 189th hash and made it such a great success.  I was hare on this occasion because Ken was called away on an urgent holiday and he volunteered me; I in turn volunteered Anne Allmark - without her help I could never have done it.  A good runner, she looked after the front, whilst I with my crocked knee looked after the back.

 

I have been warned to make hashes shorter these days and so cancelled my plan to link up Chesterton, Apedale, Hanchurch Woods and the Wedgwood Monument! Instead I made it a 2 hour hash and everyone was back at the pub by 3.00pm.  The landlord had laid on chip butties, the sun shone all day and we sat on the lawn and had a great Down-Down session. I think a good time was had by all, Anne and I really enjoyed ourselves and felt so proud to have put on such a splendid hash!!!  But I warned Anne not to look too smug.

All the best.

Roy and Anne

Hash 188 Report - 18th June 2011

 

Well, the forecast wasn’t at all promising for our Deer Stalker Hash around the woods above Trentham Monkey Park. And the heavy downpour about 12 noon straight after we’d laid the trail didn’t fill us hares with confidence that every blob or circle or cross had survived. Or that anyone would turn up! Oh well, nowt to be done about it. As it happens, most of the flour did survive (even though some hashers who will remain nameless insisted on blaming both the hares and the rain for running straight past a couple of great big crosses…!).

A respectable turnout – thanks to some fit, friendly newcomers from South Cheshire. However we were sorry to be missing a number of old-stagers, hope you will all be back again very soon.

A few gasping complaints at the first nasty climb up to the statue of Lord Sutherland but a few moments admiring the view and the subsequent gentle meandering through the woods lulled the grumblers into a false sense of security – plenty more nasty hills ahead: especially if you keep going down, down, down a false trail when there is no more flour to be seen! This slowed the fit boys down a bit which was a relief for us slowies who got to catch another breath. Ever Ready managed to avoid a Down-Down despite having quite an unfair advantage (Max pulled her up all the hills). Still, everyone seemed to enjoy the route; - you can’t help it methinks in such a lovely spot. A short halt at the lily-pond for a skimming contest (no, I said skimming, not skinny-dipping) and then a meet-up with walkers Bambi & Grasshopper for a welcome drink of pop. One more muddy climb and back past the crazy people tackling the Aerial Extreme assault course high up in the trees.

Sunshine meant we were able to have a civilised cake and drink sitting on the grass sharing tall tales, boastful anecdotes & friendly abuse. 1-2 hashers even claimed to have spotted a deer running across their path in the woods (report not verified).

 

Flasher & Aberchintz

The Hungry Horse Hash Report ~ May 21st 2011

Set the hash on a lovely morning, over roads, bridges & parklands that used to be Meir aerodrome. We had a decent turnout. Flasher could not turn up, So Aberchintz took all the photos "BLESS HER". Thanks to the two boys who supported us from Cheshire. Some confusion (and friendly abuse for the hare) over the pub's name, but who is bothered. Even had time for refreshments at Bill's running club. Ticker & the rest of the hashers were all in fine singing form doing the down downs. Lots of people watching us & having a laugh. I gave the hashers a history lesson on how the area was after the war, standing on a bunker. Silly me I gave my age away. Grasshopper, Jan & the dog did the walk. They came to the pub afterwards and we all had a hashing time.

 

Until next time - On' On

Billy the Bully

 

PS: Thanks for hash shield pride of place in the house  GUESS WHERE?

REPORT ON HASH NUMBER 186 BY HARE ZIGAZIG

DATE 23 APRIL 2011 ~ PUB DICK TURPIN ~ HARE ZIGAZIG

The hare was worried that no-one would turn up seeing as the hareraiser had ballsed up the dates by not noticing that hash date was also Easter Saturday-remind me again who the hareraiser is?

Anyway we had a healthy turnout of about 20 due to Hooker’s seemingly endless supply of virgins.

Some confusion over false trails and Billy the Bully’s over enthusiastic use of his horn but eventually up and away through the dappled shade of the woods and the glorious bluebells (eat your heart out Roy!). Whilst keeping a look out for the farmer the hash bravely climbed the kissing gate in bondage, dashed across open territory, negotiated the barbed wire and took cover in the safety of more woods and more bluebells. Flemming was heard to stutter in fear “Two miles from home and I’m completely lost”.

Over the gate and with the sun beating down we emerged into a surreal filmset. Tarmac roads with pavements and road markings, bus stops, benches, lampposts but no buildings!! The check proved difficult- perhaps the hash were worried about alien abduction! On On up the slight incline and back into the woods, past the observatory and checking –the observatory guys checking us -they didn’t ask any questions! Across rough ground, bending under trees (well done Priceless for conquering fear over the manhole) and out into genteel academia.

Glorious views of the lake, manor house and magenta rhododendrons. The route could have been shortened but everyone wimped at the widely spaced stepping stones.

The beer stop-sans beer but red wine, pop, water and biscuits.

Only so long allowed for lolling on the grass with the students. Join the egg hunt. Congrats to the winners, did it melt on the run in?

Along the road, through the hole in the fence and back into bluebell land. At the crest of the hills views over Newcastle with the Roaches in the distance.

DOWN DOWNS

There were a few but can’t remember except thanks again to Hooker for bringing the virgins.

"Pig Farm Hash" ~ 19th March 2011
 
Spring arrived on cue, bright sunshine and a warm day in Cheshire, bordering on the Staff Moorlands.
A wee bit short on numbers, but a good day had by all.
The flat Cheshire plain gave a steady start  to the hash, with not much flower (flour) coverage to spoil the view. Scattered troupes in open fields, Pity FLASHER  lost his spark  (senior moment lost memory) so no pictures.
Zigzaging (not Jane) ascent to 'nick of the hill' finally arriving at Vistas (2) on Gritstone Way. Well worth the view, and welcomed water stop !!
Steep descent with changing directions, sting in tail within sight (and smell) of pub in view. Back up hill then circular tour through bluebell wood.
Chip butties and cakes (a cossing or two) concluded a good hash.
  
                                                               ON - ON
 
                                                          Ticker &  Florence

Sandbach Lower Chequers Hash Report ~ 26 February 2011

 

Hello Hashers!

                   Thanks to all who turned up at a very nice pub in Sandbach on a sunny Cheshire day.  Around 20 in all, we estimate.

Great to see so many virgin hashers (even if their Cheshire accents made it virtually impossible to understand them!)

Like in January, it was good to see such a range of ages taking part.

 

Hooker and I laid a devilish course, including the "12 way conundrum" around the half way point which took a good 15 minutes to fathom out. Also, there was almost total despair as Sandbach Church, and the prospect of a pint, drifted in and out of sight, with 180 degree turns a plenty!  And how did we manage to insert a rustic farm in the middle of a housing estate?

                   

Thanks to Flasher for his photos which illustrate joy at the beginning of the hash - and a trance-like bemusement at the end!

This was the day when Chris Walsh of South Cheshire Harriers became "The Professor" and "Hooker" showed he can really put hooks into any hash.

ON-ON!!!

"The Professor"

The Windmill Hash Report ~ January 22nd 2011

Hello Hashers!

                   Thanks to all who turned up on Saturday at the Windmill pub at Meir Heath on a very cold day. Great to see our friends Jan and Kath from Ironbridge, also a rare sight in Pushpar and her friend John. Nice to see such a range of ages taking part. Also great to see Roy and Val again.

                   Our new committee also performing very well with some new ideas that can only make things better for all.

                                                             

          Don't forget to practice new hash songs!

 

                   Thanks to Flasher for his photos which always give everyone a lift. Myself and Jane would like to say thank you for all the nice words on our completion of over 150 hashes. Keep it up everyone.

 

  ON-ON!!!

 

Billy the Bully & Grasshopper.

Christmas Hash Report ~ December 10th 2010

Snow the day before meant we had to think laterally - How do you lay a hash with white flour on white snow?? Being a Lifestyle Coach the obvious answer came to me in a flash – the healthy option of course - wholemeal flour! We awoke to a covering of snow and by the time we were heading down towards Tittensor to lay the hash, it was blizzarding. Skidding was the order of the day as you drove gingerly up to the Wing House pub carpark. I was eager to test my brilliant suggestion of brown flour around the hash start area. Within a few minutes the fresh snow had covered it over. Just looked like someone had relieved themselves! Plan B required. No alternative available to us but to decide on a shortcut route and only 1-2 false trails. After all – we had no idea if anyone would actually turn up. Would any hashers be able to get out of their homes? Looked doubtful!  Well our friend Jon helped us to lay the trail as best we could; fingers falling off with the cold. Then just as we were arriving back to the pub, the phone calls and texts started. It looked like we would have some brave souls after all. Great – now into the pub for a hot coffee!!

Well actually we had a brilliant turnout – loads of santas and festively-dressed hashers, all on great form. We ran around together, and amazingly, stalwart Potteries Hashers even spotted many of the pee-hole blobs of brown flour!  We took a break at the statue, overlooking the city, sipping a rejuvenating toast of port (supplied by Flasher) then on through the trees, along magical paths in their blanket of powdery virgin snow, and back down towards the pub. But of course we had to stop awhile and try our hand (or bums) at sledging down a field on black plastic binbags. [Verdict? – we should have stolen one of the kids’ sledges instead]

Good humour was the order of the day as always from start to finish – and the chip butties went down rather well too!

Written by:  Aberchitz

Halloween Hash Report ~ October 30th 2010
What a day! My son (The Historian) arrived in Cheadle at 7:50am on a lovely sunny morning to set the hash.

We decided to make this Halloween Hash one to remember by cutting the time limit down so we could let lots of people in Cheadle see us. My, how it worked - it was great!

We also had a meeting in the Royal Oak Pub and the regulars said we all looked fantastic in our Halloween costumes.

The meeting was very productive. Volunteers came forward for the new hash committee which was subsequently formed.

Thanks went out to all those who have worked so hard over the last two years and also all the participants who have made the Potteries Hash successful.

After the Hash we all went outside and there were lots of 'down downs'. Young and old all involved.

Also thanks go to Bryan (Flasher) for all the fantastic pictures on the website.

Written by:  Billy the Bully